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The way they said it—always with a disgusted scowl—seemed to suggest anyone who dates too many Asians is creepy and abnormal, akin to perverts who watch kinky dwarf porn in a dank basement.
When that’s your introduction to your own community’s feelings about non-Asian males pursuing Asian females, it leaves a negative impression that’s hard to scrub off. I remember a Korean American friend asking me one day, “Do you think I’m a self-hating Korean? ” She hesitated, then replied, “I’ve never really dated Asian men.
at least, not until I started receiving comments whenever I mentioned that David’s previous girlfriend was also Korean American. Each time, I instinctively became defensive, and I would hasten to add, “Well, he’s dated white and Latina women too …” Even as I said that, I got annoyed at having to respond to such comments.
But I can’t deny that these interactions always left me with a strong distaste—the sort that clenched my stomach and shrunk my heart. I understood why I would get irritated when people imply that a man would find me attractive simply because I’m Asian. So I’m in love with a white guy—what’s fearful and shameful about that?
When a Japanese American friend began dating online, she expressed skepticism about a white guy who wrote on his profile that he had lived in Japan and likes anime: “I’m just not sure that he’s just interested in me because he’s got an Asian fetish, you know? That’s why when I see articles that seem to address them, I click and read, because I want to understand why these thoughts exist.
The problem is, the more I was reading such articles, the more they confused and upset me.
The reality is, I can never forget the color of my skin, and that’s why people of color think and talk and wrestle more with racial topics.
When it comes to Asian women, the myth is that they’re the “ideal” female: submissive, docile, and sexually eager to please.
These stereotypes absolutely exist, and they are harmful. Conversations about racial stereotypes might not pop up in certain social circles in America, but they do in mine.
These are confusing times when it comes to racial issues, and I’d like to address one subtopic that’s gained attention: interracial couples—or more specifically, the increasingly criticized trend of Asian women dating white men.
It’s a divisive issue fraught with emotion and misunderstanding, and weighed down with historical, cultural, and social baggage.
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I watched Korean dramas and practiced taekwondo; he watched and chowed pretzels at baseball stadiums and air-guitared to Blink-182. And now, more than two years later, we’re discussing marriage.