Dating oneliners

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake an entire relationship! They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Make sure to give these funny one liners a share on Facebook before you go!

Maybe if we all emailed the constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? If you liked these then you should check out the unexpected twist this dude got when he needed Amazon chat support.

I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

When u/jlw_01 and I started to help out on this subreddit it had been going for 8 years and had about 10,000 subscribers.

You spend the first 2 years of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. Anyway, that’s enough dating jokes, but if you still have some passive aggression built up regarding your partner, take a look at our Husband Jokes and Wife Jokes. It's obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. Behind every girl’s selfie are approximately 43 nearly identical photos that just didn’t cut it. I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys? Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. "The problem with quotes from the Internet, is that you can never truly verify their authenticity." -Abraham Lincoln If it's the thought that counts, think money. When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once. Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness" Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them. If only God can judge us, then Santa has some explaining to do. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican. Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments. In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that isn't taken. Why do medications never have any good side effects?

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